The online dating game

Online dating is full of woe.

I have some stories to tell, so here we go.

I have RSI from pressing the block button.

A marriage proposal within five minutes! This feels very sudden.

Just met a nice guy. He’s a smooth talker.

Wait, how’s he got my number? Great, now I have a stalker!

Quickly Googled his name.

He was arrested for harassment. This is insane!

Not going there… though…he's sweet… No!

The red flags are flying high today.

I want to smile, but instead, I sigh.

Requests for hook-ups and a mistress get me down.

Where are all the good men in this town?

Oh look, a new message…. ‘fuck me please.’

‘No sir, you look like you have a disease.’

‘Let's meet for a coffee or a picnic.

Here’s a picture of my dick.’

Only one suitable reply... ‘Dude, that looks infected.’

Pretty sure that wasn't the response he expected.

Fuck this. Pass the wine.

I’m flirting with a few and meeting some.

Oh no, I’ve sent the wrong message to the wrong man!

Someone remind me why I began?

He’s blocked me. Well, that’s done.

Fuck this. Pass the wine.

Went on a date and called him the wrong name.

We were getting on well. What a shame!

‘Sorry, James…Sam.. Which one are you?

Fuck this. Pass the wine. Do you want some too?’